Wacky Sweets & Kooky Confectioneries, CO
by New and Old
Summary: [Crack-fic] Find what happens when famous human dimensions and worlds comes into contact with a strange candy shop and its easily-excitable shopkeeper! Watch the ensuing chaos of unintentional clashes between worlds!
1. Prologue

_*Disclaimer* All characters belong to their respective authors._

* * *

**Prologue**

(Posted 2014-06-03, Updated - - )

Charlie Pailson looked around his candy shop, looking for customers that just _weren't there_.

_What did I do to deserve this?_

_All I wanted was to follow my childhood dream of becoming the next Willy Wonka. The next candy-maker hailed all around the world!_

_What went wrong?_

He gave a great sigh, then proceeded to close his shop.

His frustrations were rising to a point he never knew he could reach… He was not a patient man to begin with, and his temper all but snapped when he accidentally dropped the open/closed sign while flipping it over to "closed".

"For the love of…! Arg! Why is this happening to me?"

He threw down his chef's hat.

"Whoever is the Candy-god up there, YOU owe me my life! I spent my entire childhood, schooldays and college in culinary school, attempting to make the BEST CANDY EVER, and what do I get? Flies in my shop! No one interested in my new creations!" He paced furiously across the room.

"I would think that I would at least get some compensation with a ton of customers, but noooooo, I only get nobody as a customer! The least you can do is to provide me with customers!"

"That can easily be arranged."

"AHHH!" he fell over when a strange man dressed in a mint-green suit appeared out of nowhere.

"Who are you! What are you doing in my shop!" Charlie glared at the man to find that he had gravity-defying rainbow colored hair. He could almost see the unicorns prancing about in the halo of the eye-watering color.

"I am the 'candy-god' that owes you a life, including childhood, schooldays, college days, and most of all, some customers."

The strange man counted off of his fingers, which was gloved in rubbery white gloves. He had a huge candy cane that was as long as an actual cane that he was twirling around like a baton, throwing it from one hand to the other every few seconds. _Did the cane just give off sparkles?_

"…and I suppose your outfit is just a way to express your… godliness?" Charlie deadpanned. The mint-green suit was brightly hued enough to be considered to be neon.

"The glow of the suit is making it difficult to look directly at you, that's for sure."

"Why, thank you. Anyway, to get to the point of my visit, I realize that I have been remiss in my duties in caring for one of my most devoted followers… I do apologize."

"…huh?"

"Well, considering that I was busy for the past decade partyin – ahem! I mean, taking my duties seriously, it is quite reasonable to provide compensation for the misfortunes, no?"

"…compensation?"

"Yes, compensation. It will not be proper for me to interact too directly, like providing powers that make your products addicting or too tasty, or giving you an ability to copy yourself to make things faster all around the world… definitely not the latter, as it goes against my set of rules… hmmm, what to do."

The strange man examined a piece of candy from the nearest jar. "Full marks on presentation, by the way." He popped it in his mouth. "Acceptable in terms of taste, as well. ...Oh, I know! I will make sure you are widely known throughout the universe! Yes, that would work."

"Wait, what?"

"I know, pure genius, right? Candy stimulates me to make the most amazing leaps of intelligence which surprises myself at times! Yes, catering to the universe as a whole sounds nice… but hmmm… on the other hand, I doubt that Martians will truly appreciate the Earthlings' taste for candy."

"No, no, I mean how would I cater to the univer—wait, you did you just say Martians? As in 'living on Mars' Martians?"

The strange man took another piece of candy from another jar. "Yes, yes, as well as those Nabooians, Wookies, Hutts, and that entire race that insists on letting go of attachments like a favorite candy flavor. Those Jedi are _really_ strange. Who in the world would want to give up candy? I mean, it's _candy_." The strange man hemmed, pacing the floor.

"I could extend the shop's variety in candy… no, no, that wouldn't work. That would be _my_ handiwork, not yours, after all."

"Hey, who the hell are you? Martians and Na-what? And you better pay for that!" The strange man ignored Charlie and began sucking on a lollipop. Charlie, already quite frustrated with his stocks of candy depleting quickly, looked quite angry. Who was this man, to raise his blood pressure up to such heights?

"That's it! I will provide you with human and only human customers, but from different dimensions! Yes! That's a splendid idea. How I became such a genius, I don't kn—oh! I do know! A piece of candy a day makes the brain work away!"

"Are you crazy?! No, don't answer that." Charlie took a breath and tried to be patient with the obviously insane guy, but the cracks were starting to show.

With a low voice, he growled out, "Different dimensions? I'm sorry to say that there's no such thing. Please stop eating my candy without paying and stop talking over me. I am trying my very hardest _not to snap at you_."

He could feel the vein in his neck pulsing from the high blood pressure.

"And the saying is 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away'. Now. Answer the question. Who ARE you?"

"Oh, didn't I say? I'm the greatest of them all, I'm the sweetest to those who call, I'm the great god of candy and candy-making!"

There was silence.

Charlie's seemingly infinite source of patience ran out, and he snapped.

"You $%^&*&#*$& ! Are you out of your ^#&$%# mind? I asked you a simple *&#&^$%#&$ing question!"

"Language, my dear follower. You are in divine presence, after all."

"Divine – ! You…! How did you get in my shop!"

"Peace, peace~ Don't want a stroke, do you? Of course, I used my incredibly sweetly awesome abilities of candy transportation."

"You used – ! GET OUT OF MY SHOP YOU CRAZY LOON!" Charlie started chasing the man around, trying to grab him to kick him out of the shop.

Unfazed, the strange man sidestepped Charlie.

"I suppose that's a yes to my proposition for compensation, yes? Well, I will make sure your shop does not go against any rules in each dimension. All your customers will be seeing a new candy shop in their midst, nothing out of place… as for language barriers and price… hmm."

The man sidestepped another of Charlie's lunge, thinking deeply.

"You know what? I'll just take care of everything. You, my dearest follower, just keep making the best candy there is. Of course, feel free to invent new flavors and candies, using different materials your customers suggests. You'll find a never-ending stock of materials in your kitchens."

"Enough! You…! You ran away from a mental asylum, didn't you!"

"Enough? No, no, it is the least I can do, really. I mean, you are doing all the work creating new candies. I just provide the materials."

"I told you to GET OUT!"

"My, my. Such enthusiasm. Yes, I take that as a thank-you-my-life-is-finally-saved and get-out-so-I-can-start-right-away! Now I have a party – I mean, business partner to meet with. Your shop will open regularly tomorrow~ Enjoy your compensation!" With a poof of electric blue smoke, he disappeared.

"What the – " Charlie stared at the empty space.

He took several deep breaths to calm himself, telling himself that high blood pressure is not healthy…

Shaking his fist at the ceiling, he cursed, "WHAT in the #$&#*&^#$%*- HELL! Sending a deluded crazy trickster with magic tricks to my shop… I wanted *$#% compensation, not a conversation with a loon of a customer that didn't pay!"

But there was still clean up to do, and Charlie swept the dust from the floor, muttering angrily.

"Bloody crazy people. I better report this to the police."

When his sweeping was complete, he headed towards the phone, with a sigh. But upon unhooking the phone from its cradle, he snorted.

"… Ah, what the hell. That guy is crazy enough that the hospital missing him would already have reported him already. Hmph. I bet other people who see him will report him, too. Not like the police are going to believe this crazy story without any proof anyway."

He finished closing up the shop and went upstairs to his apartment, not knowing that the next day would be the beginning of a series of strange occurrences that would turn his world upside down.

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**A/N** - This story was working its way out as soon as my other story (Trouble Finds Me) was published... Enjoy the peace, because there's a TON of craziness to come!

**Please Read 'n Review!**


	2. The Wizard-Guy

**Previously:**

_"… Ah, what the hell. That guy is crazy enough that the hospital missing him would already have reported him already. Hmph. I bet other people who see him will report him, too. Not like the police are going to believe this crazy story without any proof anyway."_

_He finished closing up the shop and went upstairs to his apartment, not knowing that the next day would be the beginning of a series of strange occurrences that would turn his world upside down._

* * *

**The Wizard-Guy**

(Posted 2014-06-11, Updated 2014-08-09)

Dumbledore hmmed.

Dumbledore had stopped in front of the shop, looking at the sign. _Wacky Sweets & Kooky Confectioneries, CO._

Strange name, but it looked quite promising in his endeavors to satisfy his sweet tooth. A cheerful bell rang when he stepped in.

A man who had been staring quite distractedly into space, jerked at his entrance.

"Wel-Welcome!"

Dumbledore greeted the man - his nametag said _Charlie Pailson_ - giving him a small smile.

"Good morning."

"Uh... feel free to look around?"

Dumbledore saw the samples left out for tasting and smiled brightly.

"Splendid, splendid, my dear fellow!" He immediately started tasting some samples that caught his eye.

Charlie, on the other hand, was freaking out.

He had been pondering why in the world he had blown his top and gotten so angry yesterday. Yes, there was an insane guy in the shop, but all he did was sprout nonsense and eat the samples already laid out for consumption.

Perhaps it was the stress of having no profits that was getting to him? It was strange how one night's sleep could change someone's attitude so quickly. Charlie had been feeling a bit... hopeful today, unlike the total depression from the day before.

That is, until that man stepped in.

Wearing a freakin' dress.

And a pointed wizard hat.

...Alright, not a _dress_, a wizard-y _robe_.

He totally looked like a stereotypical wizard... but who in the world would go around dressing like _that_?

He had heard of people dressing similarly to their favorite fictional characters, but... this man was at least as old as his father, grey hair starting to turn white.

He remembered the strange man from yesterday and fought off a shiver.

_I hope this guy is mature enough to actually make a purchase after eating the samples._

He became thoughtful.

_Maybe this is my second chance to redeem myself from yesterday? A chance to be professional with customers, no matter what?_

"How delightful! These are quite good!"

Charlie jerked back to the present, and saw that the… wizard… had found the assorted tub of fruit-flavored hard candy.

"Oh yes, older customers prefer the hard candy to the chewy ones next to you. Most say it's too sweet."

"I see. Well, I have no doubt that these will soon become my new favorite." The wizard's eyes were twinkling madly.

Charlie grinned back.

_Ahh, it's great when you get to play candy matchmaker with customers._

_...Not that I have many._

Charlie sighed, but shook his dark thoughts away when he found the... wizard guy... watching him avidly.

"Why don't you pick out some favorites? I'll wrap a packet of samples, if you wish to look around more." He gestured to a shelf behind the wizard.

"I also recommend the Fruity Loots Tin; it's a tin of fruit-filled jelly that grandchildren generally present their grandparents on their birthdays."

There was a pause, and the... wizard-guy... sharply turned towards him.

"My dear fellow, could you be insinuating that I am old enough to be a grandparent?"

Charlie blanched, and started to stutter.

_Great, now I've done it. I've insulted my first customer of the day! Even if the wizard-guy looked totally weird, he totally looked like he would buy something... _

"O-Oh. Um. I'm sorry, that is not quite what I..." Then Charlie saw the twinkle in the man's eyes.

"...Wait... You... Oh. I fell for that quite spectacularly, didn't I?"

Dumbledore chuckled then gave a small bow.

"Albus Dumbledore, delighted to make your acquaintance. I hope you are not offended. I couldn't resist. Your expression was very amusing to observe." The wizard chuckled again.

"Well, please package a very large packet of the fruity hard candy and one of those tins."

Charlie inwardly gave a sigh of relief. _Whew, thank goodness he was a nice customer!_

"You got me good, sir. I totally fell for your tone for a moment."

As the wizard was making his purchase, Charlie gave voice to a thought.

"Mr. Dumbledore, what is your favorite taste for candy? I'm suspecting either sweet or sour or even both..."

"Yes, that's quite correct. I prefer a sour candy to sweet ones, though I find it difficult to find many that do not blend too much sugar."

With a thoughtful look, Charlie made an offer.

"Here's what I'll do, Mr. Dumbledore. As a personal favor for being my first customer for the day, I'll try mixing some new flavors specifically for the sour department, which is quite... lacking. I've noticed before and was planning to expand on it, but never really had a reason to. That is, until now." Charlie hesitated. _Alright, I hope I don't look _too_ much like I'm advertising..._

"Would you be willing to be a sample tester for any of my new creations?"

When Charlie looked into the wizard's eyes, he knew he made the correct choice in asking this man.

It seemed like real stars were about to come out of the wizard's eyes and start orbiting around - especially with all the twinkling his eyes were doing.

"I would be enchanted. I'm a professor, you see. It's only so much teaching I can do before needing to indulge my sweet tooth."

"That's great! Hmm... I think the first batch of samples will be ready in the next month or so, if not earlier. I'll look over some public truffle recipes for inspiration. Drop by anytime!"

"Ah, my dear fellow... Charles, is it?" Dumbledore reached out a hand to shake. "I believe today is the beginning of a very fulfilling relationship."

Charlie shook Dumbledore's had firmly, smiling back. At_ least my first customer really likes me..._

**{..\|/..}**

Later that afternoon, Charlie was in the kitchens to make an inventory of the materials he currently had, to find a strange sight.

All the materials he had planned on using to try out some flavors were already laid out.

But what caught his eye was the thick book on a bookstand placed on the work table.

"What the - ?"

The book title read "Charlie's Recipes", which seemed alright enough... until one looked at the eye-watering-rainbow-colored cover.

There was a neon mint green post-it-note on the book, which said in loopy cursive writing,

**You're Welcome~**

- from your Patron Deity :)

Charlie face-palmed.

"...Why do I get the feeling that I've done something extremely stupid?"

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*2014-08-09 Edit: Minor grammar changes.

* * *

**A/N** **-** Hehehehe. I am seriously enjoying writing this fic. Not so much crazy yet, but not all characters are in place yet~

Anyhooo~ **Please Read 'n Review!**


	3. Lemon Drops, Knitting Contest

**Previously:**

_"What the - ?"_

_The book title read "Charlie's Recipes", which seemed alright enough... until one looked at the eye-watering-rainbow-colored cover._

_There was a neon mint green post-it-note on the book, which said in loopy cursive writing,_

_You're Welcome~_

_- from your Patron Deity :)_

_Charlie face-palmed._

_"...Why do I get the feeling that I've done something extremely stupid?"_

* * *

**Lemon Drops, Knitting Contest**

(Posted 2014-07-29, Updated 2014-08-09)

"So... yesterday was real?" Charlie couldn't help but whisper these words. _Who knew what would appear now..._

He took a fortifying breath.

"Okay. Look at positive things... Positive things."

_It's not like I did anything insulting - I mean, it was justified - I mean... arg!_

"I'm still alive...?" _Not for long, if that... candy god... was really a god... and he was insulted..._

"...The shop's still standing...?" _This is a candy shop. If he was insulted, what stops him from doing... supernatural things to ruin it?_

"I've got a customer that might become a regular...?" _And you don't know what kind of person he is!_

"...Okay. Fine, I'm doomed, Mr. I'm-negative-just-because. Why am I talking to my negative self anyway? I said think positive."

_Deep breaths. Deeeeep breaths._

"...The candy god approached me. He wanted to give me compensation for all the bad luck I've been having. Something about not doing his job? So he said I would be selling candy, but to all the people of the human dimensions."

_Okay... That made no logical sense whatsoever._

_...I'm gonna die in a mental asylum, aren't I._

_*slap*_

_Positive thoughts... positive thoughts..._

"... I've got a customer."

_But he's a crazy guy... wearing wizardy-stuff at his age, where most try to be respectable._

_Wait... the candy deity said something about the compensation being from _all_ the human dimensions?  
_

_..._I have traveled to another dimension already?! What if... that wizard-guy was really a wizard? If he really had magic, that means...?!

"Nononononono! Does that mean I can't leave my shop, or else I might get lost in the twists of dimension traveling if the house leaves before I get back?"

_How am I supposed to understand the languages of the different dimensions? Its customs? Traditions? What if I come face to face with a doppleganger? My counterpart of that dimension? What if he gets jealous and tries to kill me so to overtake my shop? What if I land somewhere where there is a war going on? Or... where_ _no one_ likes _CANDY?  
_

Then the moment of enlightenment.

_How am I supposed to get paid?! Wait, wait. The old wizard-guy... I didn't pay attention, but I was pretty sure it was the correct amou-_

*Poof*

"Charlie Pailson. It's time you just ignore the details and do what you do best. Make candy."

"Ahhh!"

There was a clown doll. Floating in the air. Talking.

A _CLOWN_ DOLL.

...I hate clowns. They are creepy. Ever since the ONE when I was five...

I shuddered at the thought.

The... clown... interrupted my thoughts. "Charlie Pailson."

"...Ye-yeah?"

"Stop hyperventilating and stop worrying. I said I'll take care of it."

I looked at the clown dubiously. Its voice obviously belonged to the candy god from yesterday. "But... but... but..."

"Why. So. Serious?"

"...Huh?" _Did he just make a Joker reference...?_

"Your insecurity and disbelief in my powers are making me become serious. If there's anything I really, really detest, it's becoming serious and following logic. Do. You. Understand?"

_That if I start becoming too logical in analyzing your actions, you might process me like sugar canes are processed into fine powdered white sugar?_

_...Totally clear. Like glass. Like transparent-corn-sugar-extract clear._

The clown blinked at me for a few seconds.

Then laughed a crazy laugh that could only have been someone as crazy as... well, the candy god from yesterday.

"Bwahahahahahahahaha! Yes, yes, I remember why I picked you~ Out of all the candidates, you were the only one that was adaptable enough to my craziness~! You could totally be my...ahem! Well, that's for later~"

I stared at him, no, the clown doll.

Totally be his... what?

The clown gave a wide smile, giving a creepy chuckle.

_Oh by my deaf grandmother Georgina. That's as creepy as having a stranger give you candy... with no advertising papers in sight._

"Muehehhehehehe. I see you like my messenger. Want to keep it?"

I shook my head so violently I felt my neck crick.

"Hmm. Very well. I'll come by again later. Ta."

The clown disappeared. I gave a sigh of relief. The clo- IT - was gone.

Then an disembodied voice in the candy god's serious tone whispered in my ear. "You better be making that candy."

I jumped and crashed into the counter, hitting the funny bone on my elbow.

"Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Get to it, Pailson! I expect great things from you!"

The voice faded out.

I looked wide-eyed around the kitchen everywhere. No clowns. No neon green suit. No candy god.

_Whew._

"...Well, I still have a job that involves making candy."

_Oh, look who finally showed itself? Does my positive side only show itself when I am on the verge of a meltdown?_

...At least I have a positive side.

...Arg!

**{..\|/..}**

**Several weeks later...**

******{..\|/..}**

Smells of a rich, milky chocolate was in the air.

The bells of the shop rang merrily, and brought two men inside.

"Huuu! That smells really good! Hey Madara, aren't you glad you came along with me?"

"...Hn."

"Hey hey! This place has tons of sweets! Do you think they'll have something Tsunade will like?"

"If you mean your granddaughter who is taking on your gambling habits at the age of five, just get her something that tastes like soujou with no alcohol. She would love it. It would totally fit with the I-love-gambling personality she's picking up."

"Madara!"

Charlie Pailson came in when Hashirama was reaching over to strangle Madara's neck.

Only, it looked much more... intimate.

_Why, why do I get crazy people in my shop? Not that I'm against beautiful bromance, but... doesn't that count as PDA in public...?_

"Um... W-welcome! Are you two interested in tasting some of the new chocolate I'm making? It's called Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight."

"OOh! Yes please!" The friendlier man took one and ate it. "Mmm... it's really good!"

The other man - grumpy looking guy - turned his nose up at it. "Hn. I dislike sweets."

Charlie sweatdropped. _Why are you even here, then? _

With a mental shake, Charlie repeated the mantra _professionalprofessionalprofessional_ in his head before saying, "Um... Chocolate is considered to be a healthy food if taken in small dosages regularly... It's supposed to be a good at preventing heart attacks..."

Friendly-guy grinned and took another piece of chocolate and stuffed it into grumpy-guy's mouth.

"Don't be such a stick in the mud. So? Isn't it good?" Friendly-guy took another piece of chocolate for himself. "Oi, oi, Madara, don't you think this is the perfect gift for Tobirama?"

"...Hn."

Strange. Charlie had thought he had seen a bit of chocolate at the corner of the grumpy-guy's - Madara? - mouth, but it was gone. Maybe he imagined it?

Well, time to get back to business.

"So, sirs. How may I help you? Are you looking for a specific kind of sweet, or do you want some time to look around?"

"Oh! I was actually looking for some sweets for my wife. She really loves tea, and eating dango with it all the time gets a little old. This shop seemed to suggest a good selection would be available. I mean, it is exuding a sort of exotic aura that hints of a fresh and unexplored taste-territory."

Charlie sweatdropped. _Exotic? Unexplored taste-territory? ...What the heck is dango?_

"...I see. Well, there's some tea biscuits I've preserved, but these need to be consumed in a month, as they are much more perishable than normal sweets..." Charlie walked along the shelves and pulled out a box. "Here they are."

"Alright! We'll take it!"

"That would be two pounds, please." Charlie looked at their clothes, and at how different they were.

_I'm in another dimension, aren't I... I hope I get paid with actual cash... they totally look like they're from an age where bartering was an acceptable method of payment..._

_Huh. I think I am getting strangely apathetic towards the whole dimension-hopping thing..._

They handed over some coins with square holes in the middle. _Woah. Talk about exotic._

"...Thank you for the purchase." Charlie handed over the packaged box.

_Maybe getting paid in exotic money was not so bad... I could even start a coin collection._

It wasn't like he actually needed money for anything besides materials, and that was provided by the freaky mind-reading kitchen.

_Hmm... Should ask them about the dango thing?_

He glanced at the friendly-guy, then at the grumpy-guy. He opened his mouth to say something, but the doorbell jingled, opening to show a grandfatherly-figure with wizard-robes.

"Oh! Mr. Dumbledore! Good afternoon!"

The two men subtly tensed, but Charlie didn't notice.

"Charles, good to see you. Today, I'm here not only as a customer, but also a voluntary tester. I've freed up all my afternoon plans! I'm quite looking forward to tasting your experiments."

Dumbledore had a twinkle in his eye, but they faded and turned sharp once he found the two men.

Charlie, still oblivious, smiled back at the wizard-guy. "That's good to hear! I actually finished up the last experiment a few days ago. Some variations ended up evolving into excellent tea biscuits! These gentlemen liked them enough to purchase them just now."

"So I see. Well, Charles, would you please bring them out? I am very excited to see them."

"Of course, Mr. Dumbledore."

After Charlie went into the back room, there was a brief silence between the three men.

"Hashirama, Madara. I never expected to see you here."

"Albus." Madara had a strange tone when he growled the name.

"So, how are you two? Well, I hope."

"As if you really care, Dumbo." Hashirama sounded unusually sharp.

Dumbledore sighed. "There really is no need for all this animosity, don't you think?"

"You'll have to wait until Senjus lose their love for alcohol and Uchihas their reticence." Hashirama growled. "Which is _never_."

"Hn. Hashirama, as much as I would like to disagree with the old man, he's right. This is civilian territory," Madara looked away, a disgusted look on his face. "And what is up with your analogies?"

"But Madara~! He totally stole your place in The Contest! You were supposed to win first place with me! He stole your place of the two-way tie!"

Dumbledore gave a slightly exasperated look toward Hashirama. "My dear fellow, it was just a Sock Knitting Contest."

"Just a Sock Knitting Contest!? _Just_ a SOCK KNITTING CONTEST?! No it isn-mmph!" Hashirama shouted, to be interrupted by a slap on the mouth by Madara.

"Hashirama, that is enough. You are acting like a _child_."

Dumbledore sighed again.

"If you really want, I could give you something in return for wrongly winning the contest." There was a faint trace of a smile on Dumbledore's face. Hashirama looked suspicious, but kept listening. "A recommendation of a really good candy-maker who makes candy that suits your tastes exactly!"

"And who would that be?" Madara's voice dripped with sarcasm. "The owner of this shop?"

"My dear fellow," Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling madly once more with amusement. "How in the world did you know?"

Huh. It was late spring, but there seemed to be crickets chirping loudly somewhere...

Both Hashirama and Madara were still staring at the old wizard when Charlie walked back in with a tray, full of assorted sweets. He didn't notice anything out of place... at first.

"Here we are Mr. Dumbledore! First up is the Lemon Drop! There are actually five variations of this candy, but the difference between them are too subtle; I need you to choose one over the... am I interrupting something?"

Hashirama shook off his stupor and shook his head in denial.

"No, no. We've just... met... before. We were just leaving."

Madara just silently took another piece of Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight with a look on his face that promised great fire and pain to anyone who objected to his actions. Charlie just looked confused.

_I thought he said he didn't like sweets... Was that a _smirk_ on Dumbledore's face? I never thought such a grandfatherly-face could pull off a _smirk_..._

"Indubitably. It was good to see you both again. If you come again, I really recommended the hard candy selection."

Madara walked towards the door with a small huff. "...Hn."

Hashirama followed, looking sharply back at Dumbledore. "I will be back again at a more... convenient time. Thank you, Pale-son Cha-lee."

"Oh. Well, thank you for coming by! Feel free to come back anytime! I currently take personal requests as well, if you have a preference."

The two left the shop, and there was a brief silence after the doorbells jingled.

Charlie looked up awkwardly at Dumbledore. He had a mad twinkle in his eyes.

"Umm... Lemon Drops, Mr. Dumbledore?"

_I hope your... acquaintances... come back... more customers for me. Though they seemed strangely ticked off because of you..._

"Delighted to, my dear fellow. Delighted." _Oh dear, more eye-twinkling._

Planets were actually orbiting the wizard-guy this time... but why in the world did it feel so foreboding instead of magical?

_...Maybe I gained some new patrons?_

...I am _not_ having a meltdown right now, so _go_ _away_, positive side. I don't need your cheek.

...Bipolar, anyone?

* * *

*2014-08-09 Edit: Title changed from Lemon Drops, Tea Biscuits to Lemon Drops, Knitting Contest. Other minor grammar changes.

* * *

**A/N** - Whoooo! Long chapter~! Enjoy it, folks!

Next chapter will be within this month! (Hopefully one that is as long as this one! ;D)

Please **Read 'n Review**!


	4. Coffee is for Plebeians

**Previously:**

_"Umm... Lemon Drops, Mr. Dumbledore?"_

I hope your... acquaintances... come back... more customers for me. Though they seemed strangely ticked off because of you...

_"Delighted to, my dear fellow. Delighted."_ Oh dear, more eye-twinkling.

_Planets were actually orbiting the wizard-guy this time... but why in the world did it feel so foreboding instead of magical?_

...Maybe I gained some new patrons?

_...I am _not_ having a meltdown right now, so _go away_, positive side. I don't need your cheek._

_...Bipolar, anyone?_

* * *

**Coffee is for Plebeians**

(Posted 2014-08-09, Updated - -)

Charlie had been rearranging the shelves with candy into types of candy, with different flavors of each kind together. It was an easy task that just took a bit of time. His mind wandered about recent events of his now not-normal-but-quite-crazy life.

He was whistling an old folk tune his mother used to sing to him, humming when the notes were too high or too low.

In the middle of lifting a heavy tub onto the highest shelf, Charlie realized there was a small jangling sound that sounded a bit like the bells on the door.

Charlie finished placing the tub on the shelf, and started to turn around towards the door when something dark colored caught the corner of his eye.

In the next row of shelves, there was a man in a dark gray suit, crouching slightly to examine the tub of candy at that level.

He had a hat that covered most of his hair except his really, really curly sideburns... How in the world did he make his sideburns curl into a spiral anyway?

"Uhh... Welcome?"

The hat-man glanced at Charlie, then continued examining the tub of candy... or was he looking outside?

He had an aura of calm... but his actions were strangely... on edge.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice you sooner. I must not have heard the door." Charlie said apologetically, rubbing his nose.

The man's eyes flicked towards Charlie again, and Charlie had a strange feeling that he was dismissed to continue what he was doing and leave the man alone... or only a very painful fate awaited him...

"Umm... Okay... Why don't you...uhh," Charlie gestured towards the shop shelves. "Take a look around...? I'll... just continue... ah... yeah..." Charlie awkwardly averted his eyes and gave a cough.

He turned away and continued his work of shelving the tubs, trying not to be too conscious of the hat-man.

For a long while, he concentrated on the mind-numbing work of sorting candy by flavor. Then wiping the clear tubs so that the candy could be clearly seen. Then deciding on the next candy to sort out. He was in the middle of shelving some new boxes of biscuits onto a new shelf he had made, when he was startled by a voice behind him.

"Chaos."

Charlie almost dropped the package he was holding. "H-huh?"

"It's chaos."

The hat-man was right beside him! He could have sworn there was no one there a second ago, and he heard nothing!

Charlie gave a long look at the hat-man. "...Chaos? You mean the 'absence of order' chaos?"

The hat-man just tilted his hat - _oh yeah they were called fedoras!_ - and shadowed his face to make himself _appear_ coo - okay he did look pretty cool in the hat.

_Who is this guy? ...Who does he think he is to insult the shelves of candy I just finished organizing?_

Charlie fought to keep a pokerface, inwardly chanting _you are a professional and some people are going to be dolts no matter what_ over and over again. "I see no reason to believe that these candy tubs are so disorderly to merit your comment of it being chaotic."

The hat-man blinked with a blank look for a second, then smirked.

"I was not talking about the candy."

At the I-know-something-you-don't expression, Charlie lost what cool he had.

"Uh huh. And you just came up to me and said 'Chaos' in a really, deep voice that the leading male character in movies uses when breaking really serious lines... _just_ because you wanted to?"

The hat-man's eyebrows quirked up at the 'leading male character' part, but Charlie ignored it, feeling more incensed as his imagination started to work overdrive. Sarcasm dripping from his voice, he continued his tirade.

"Yeah right, this _isn't about the candy_, because this is actually a prank you are pulling on me, telling me that the world was ending, or that there is an alien invasion, or something to do with _chaos_ is occurring right across the street, and that _I_ was the _only_ one that could save the world."

Charlie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh, ha-_ha_, that's so funny! Everyone loves to pull one over Charlie Pailson, who is just a lowly candy maker! Besides, he really needs to loosen up and take a few pranks, because he is too tightly wound up, working all day."

"..."

"Mm-hmm. I mean, it's not like his _entire livelihood_ depends on the candy shop thriving. Oh _no_, it's fine to trick gullible Charlie into believing he holds the key to _saving the world_, which he won't feel pressured over _at all_. It will be hilarious to watch, and he really needs to stop being a stick in the mud! What? Revenue from sales will suffer? Pshaw, _no way_ that's going to happen!"

Charlie looked up at the ceiling and shook his fist.

"Oh, and don't mind the fact that he met a deity who totally forced him into jumping dimensions! He is not feeling stressed at all!"

Charlie made angry huffs as he tried to calm himself down.

...and promptly facepalmed.

Oh gosh, did he just rant at a customer who just said he didn't like the way the shelves were organized? The man did tick him off with his condescending attitude, but he's a customer. He needed to be _professional_ to hat-man!

There was a slight huff of breath from the hat-man. ..._Was that a smirk he was hiding under the hat?_

Charlie covered his mouth with his hands, blushing with embarrassment.

_Crap. I just said that aloud too, didn't I? Grandpa Joe was right. I really need a filter from my brain to mouth when I'm angry and stressed..._

The hat-man had a mysterious smile on his face, as if there was some sort of inside joke he was enjoying.

He looked out the window, and pointed with his fingers.

"That is what I call chaos, Mr. Pailson," He glanced back at Charlie, scanning him from head to toe. "Though your imagination and thought processes come very close."

Charlie gave the hat-man a twitchy smile, trying not to react and all but screaming _I'm a PROFESSIONAL, act like it!_ in his head. He looked towards where the man was pointing.

There was nothing there.

"Okaaay, I don't see anything."

The hat-man looked back and gave Charlie a look that seemed to convey all his disdain while still maintaining his face and posture look as if fresh off the red carpet.

_I'm a guy too... and... I don't think I'm that bad looking... but this guy..._ really _makes me feel insignificant compared to him... I want to go cry in a corner..._

"You will forever be marked under as 'insignificant' if you actually go cry in a corner. After all, you are comparing yourself to me. I am beyond compare, for I am the World's Greatest."

_Did this guy just read my mind? ...and... world's greatest in what? His looks?_

_...alright, maybe he has a chance of winning Mr. Universe, but really, what?_

"That is for me to know and you to wonder about," the hat-man had a superior smirk that only seemed to get bigger as time went on. "Not that I would need it. Your face is an open book. A very easy picture book."

Charlie glared. _Oh yeah? Well, you see 'chaos' when there's nothing but order! And you -_

"You don't have espresso flavors." Charlie's train of thought was immediately derailed.

"What?"

"Espresso. Coffee is for plebeians. But even plebeians will agree that these coffee flavors still need work ro retaining the original flavor. A lot of work."

"...I don't have many customers who actively look for strong coffee-flavored candies... I can't help it...?"

"Espresso, not coffee."

"... Isn't espresso just really strong coffee?"

click.

"Did you want to repeat that, even after I have explicitly said that they are two different things? Hmm?"

Charlie's eyes bugged out. _That's a gun! Wha-? Where did it-?_

"Do you know what kind of people I dislike?"

The hat-man's voice was deep and downright dangerous-sounding, just like the evil masterminds from the movies.

Charlie swallowed loudly and shook his head.

"People who don't have any potential."

The hat-man examined the hand not holding the gun, buffing the fingernails on his suit. He continued with a slight frown, examining his nails closely.

"But do you know what kind of people I _detest_, Mr. Pailson?"

The hat-man looked at Charlie coldly, who was shaking. "People who have the potential, but never use it."

Charlie swallowed again, the gulp very loud in the silence.

"Mr. Charlie Pailson."

"Y-yes?"

"You have potential."

"...Thanks?"

"Don't become someone I detest."

Charlie tried to understand what this guy wanted. He had just mistaken espresso for strong coffee... wasn't that an innocent mistake? Then this hat-man took out a legit-looking gun from who-knows-where and pointed it at his face!

_I mean, it wasn't like I know how to make espresso flavored cand - oh._

"...Is this a commission?"

"By next week, I expect at least ten candy varieties, all which will be of an espresso flavor. Do you understand?"

"Next week? But that's too - "

"I will be back next week."

"H-hey! Wait! I don't have eno-" the door bell jingled as it shut. "-gh information..."

Charlie sighed. _Ah, my life. Since when did it become so complicated?_

Loud gunshots from outside made Charlie whip his head around towards the display window.

The hat-man was walking, dodging... bullets (bullets?! It's possible to dodge bullets?) and shooting back with the gun from before at unseen targets on the rooftops.

It was utter chaos.

Suddenly, everything was silent again, and the hat-man - _FBI? CIA?_ - turned towards the candy store window.

Charlie's and the hat-man's eyes met, and Charlie realized that his mouth was hanging open in amazement.

The hat-man - _secret agent of some sort?_ - gave a knowing smirk and tilted his hat to hide his eyes, and mouthed '_Chaos_'.

He then turned around and walked away, raising his hand holding the gun in a vague farewell.

Alright, wherever this dimension was, he didn't want to return...

But that hat-man... _A bad guy? _...He... commissioned an espresso flavored candy to be completed by next week... and it wasn't like Charlie knew how the whole dimension-jumping thing worked, anyway.

Bad guy... Mafia... Assassin... Hit-man.

...Dear deaf Grandmother Georgina.

Hat-man? Hit-man?

...He had that annoying roguish smirk on his face when he heard me call him 'hat-man'!

Come on! I must be wrong! ...Right?

...Positive thoughts Charlie! Another potential customer who will become a regular!

...Shut up. I am not it a mental breakdown! I don't need my positive side trying to cheer myself u- *slap*.

...I am NOT bipolar.

...I'm not...

Rumor has it that Charlie Pailson spent the next half hour trying to convince himself that he was not bipolar, then the hour after that trying to find out what made espresso flavors different from coffee flavors.

* * *

**A/N** - hehehehehe! I hope this chapter was hilarious to read, because it was hilarious to write about!

My unofficial editor read this was was snickering at different parts of the story... I hope you do too!

To those who has no idea who this is, this is one of the main characters of _Katekyo Hitman Reborn!_, which is a completed manga and anime.

Unofficial inspiration goes to **reighost** (**Dusk to Dawn**) and **XxZuiliu** and **XxZuiyun** (**Onwards Till Dawn**) because these KHR stories made me want to finish this chapter quickly to share as well. :3 (Go read their stories! It's great~)

Enjoy, and please **Read 'n Review**!


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